Ambivalence Isn’t a Problem — It’s a Sign You’re Growing
Have you ever felt pulled in two directions at once? Like part of you wants connection and closeness, while another part quietly longs for distance and independence? This experience — known as ambivalence — is something many of us wrestle with, especially if you grew up in a family where boundaries were unclear or blurred.
What Is Ambivalence?
Ambivalence means holding two conflicting feelings simultaneously. You might think:
“I love my family, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by them.”
“I want to set clear boundaries, yet I worry about disappointing others.”
“I’m ready for change, but I’m afraid to leave what feels familiar behind.”
If this resonates, you’re experiencing something very common — and deeply human.
Why Ambivalence Is So Common in Enmeshed Families
In enmeshed family systems, emotional boundaries tend to be murky or nonexistent. Family members’ feelings and needs become intertwined, making it hard to distinguish where you end and someone else begins.
Growing up in this environment often means:
Feeling guilty for asserting your own needs
Doubting your emotions and desires
Feeling torn between loyalty and self-preservation
This dynamic naturally breeds ambivalence — the push and pull of wanting connection but also needing space.
Ambivalence as a Developmental Milestone
Here’s the important truth: ambivalence isn’t a flaw or a failure. It’s a sign of emotional maturity. The ability to hold conflicting feelings toward the same person — to love and feel frustration, to want closeness and distance simultaneously — reflects growth.
Ambivalence often emerges during key transitions and periods of individuation, when you’re carving out your own identity separate from family or past roles.
How Therapy Can Help You Work Through Ambivalence
Rather than rushing to resolve ambivalence, therapy invites you to explore it with curiosity and compassion. Techniques include:
Dialoguing with different parts of yourself to understand their needs and fears
Tuning into physical sensations to ground emotional experience
Identifying hidden loyalties or fears that keep you stuck
Through this work, ambivalence shifts from being a source of confusion to a gateway for self-awareness and integration.
A Journal Prompt to Explore Ambivalence
Try reflecting on this:
“Part of me wants …, and part of me wants … What do these parts need from me right now?”
Final Thoughts
Ambivalence is uncomfortable — yes — but it’s also deeply meaningful. It signals that you’re negotiating complex emotional realities and moving toward wholeness. You don’t have to choose sides or rush to clarity. Sitting with ambivalence, honoring its complexity, is itself a form of growth.
In fact, embracing ambivalence is one of the most courageous steps on the path to becoming your authentic self.